If you are reading this, you are likely recognizing more and more that as an adult you are facing emotional and interpersonal challenges which are due, at least in part, to having grown up in an alcoholic family. This is an understandable perception, as there is a growing body of research documenting alcoholism’s effects not only on the drinker but also on the entire family system.

You may be aware of repetitive strains that keep coming up in intimate relationships, with work associates, or perhaps with your own kids. And that there are aspects of the ways that you keep getting stuck that feel old and all too familiar; that seem to be related to being an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA).

Issues Commonly Faced by Those Growing up with Parental Alcoholism

You may be aware of the old issues that seem to keep resurfacing but wonder in what ways these issues are specifically related to having grown up in an alcoholic family. And, also, how this might differ from the issues that others struggle with.

While adult children of alcoholics are in many ways similar to others who have pain in their lives, there are certain issues which, while not unique to this population, are especially common.

Common problems encountered: Though families struggling with drinking problems differ enormously from one another, a number of problems frequently occur. These include inconsistent parenting, with unpredictable rules and limits; a chaotic or tense family environment; poor communication, with unclear messages and broken promises; and loneliness and isolation, as family members attempt to hide the family’s problems and reduce the potential for shame and embarrassment.

Parents’ issues takes center stage: In addition, for many children who grow up with an alcoholic parent (as may also be true for children who live with other kinds of disabled or dysfunctional parents), the parent’s illness often takes center stage and depletes the family’s ability to adequately meet the physical and emotional needs of the developing child.

Dysfunctional adaptations are developed: Complicated adaptations are learned in the alcoholic family in order to adapt to the problems created by the drinker. These coping strategies, developed to sustain survival during childhood, become dysfunctional in adult life.

What Kind of Support Can Help?

Some find healing in self-help groups like ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families), which offer a sense of community and perspective. And for some, this may fully address their needs. Others seek more intensive therapy that with a skilled clinician who understands the long-term emotional consequences of early exposure to addiction.

This deeper work — whether individual therapy, group therapy, or a combination — can help reduce suffering, strengthen relationships, and bring a clearer sense of self. It can also complement the work in a self-help group and can be done simultaneously.

In addition, work on your ACOA issues can stop the unconscious repetition of painful family patterns in your own parenting or partnership. In this way, it may play a major role in interrupting transmission of non-adaptive behavior patterns onto the next generation (that is, how you relate now or in the future to your own kids and grandkids).

You don’t have to repeat what you lived through. Change is possible — and support is available.

Understanding the Impact of Growing up in an Alcoholic Family

Issues Commonly Faced by Those Growing up with Parental Alcoholism

What Kind of Support Can Help?

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