If you have an adult son or daughter who is in trouble with alcohol or drugs, or is having trouble ‘growing up’, your family may be dealing with Failure to Launch Syndrome.

You may find yourself sleepless, preoccupied, or distracted, as worry and frustration mount. You have likely tried everything you can think of to create change — including suggestions, encouragement, heartfelt pleas, bargaining, logical entreaties, bribes, and threats. Chances are, if you are reading this, that none of these have worked.

Symptoms of Failure to Launch Syndrome

Your grown child, living at home, may seem stuck in adolescence — sleeping in, resisting requests to help around the house or even to take care of his or her own needs, expecting you to do the laundry, provide transportation, and prepare meals. He or she may be having trouble finding or holding a job, and lacking funds, may expect you to dole out money. While expecting a good deal from you and your partner, your adult child may be resistant to even the most minimal parental expectations. Depression may also seem to be part of the picture.

Interpersonally, antagonism and overt hostility are also often present toward parents and other members of the household — the adult struggling for independence, lashing out against those on whom he feels the most dependent.

Consultation and Treatment to Manage Failure to Launch

While at times a formal intervention may be needed, often there are effective alternatives that are far less costly and more effective. A good starting point is to get a consultation from a couples therapist skilled at helping parents explore possible leverage that they may not have previously considered, and ways to use that leverage to effectively create change. If substance abuse is part of the problem, the consultant should also have expertise in assessment and knowledge of a wide range of treatment resources.

A therapist who has had a track record of successful parental intervention can help you turn your situation around — working with you to help your grown child achieve one or more goals. Goals may include assumption of more adult behaviors in your home — with more cooperative participation in household activities. Or you may want to see greater responsibility for self-care and hygiene along with reduction in use of alcohol or drugs. Another goal may be that your grown child obtains employment and/or medical insurance. Finally, you may feel that a critical step is that he or she embarks on a program of treatment to address behavioral and psychological issues.

Your engagement with a consultant skilled in working with parents whose offspring are struggling to launch will help you understand what needs to be done to achieve your goals. Equally important, the consultant will help you explore any impediments that may make it hard for you to move ahead, and ways to address these impediments to create the change that you desire.

Are you curious about whether a failure to launch consultation might offer the kind of help you need?

Additional Relevant Reading

Dr. Marsha Vannicelli is a nationally recognized author and lecturer who has trained and supervised scores of clinicians who work with couples that struggle with parenting issues.